em-PHA-sis...

Have you ever mispronounced something? Makes you feel kinda silly, right? In my youth, when this would happen, my mom would say, "You put the emp-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LA-ble."

Our Sohls have been feeling none to great the last two days, with the little SohlGal having intestinal woes, my Sohl son having two-ended troubles, my Sohlmate and I feeling just plain lousy. To try to end this, tonight my Sohlmate went to bed extra early. While I tried to get to sleep, there were other plans on Someone's mind.

God had me up, learning from the teachings of other bloggers. Then He sent me outside, to ponder His creations: the amazing stars I've not appreciated since arriving here; the light breeze on the perfectly clear evening; the moon's reflection off the bay I can see from the comfort of the patio; the handcrafted quilt I wrapped myself in; the beautiful trees, their enormous leaves rustling with the sea breezes. He helped me notice the lighthouse at the end of the peninsula at Cadiz, the boat making it's way across the bay, the light flickering in and out from distant stars, and the insects welcoming the coolness of night. I was entranced by His wonder, and thinking of God's words in Matthew 6:25-34 and again in Luke 12:22-34.

I'm wrapped up in my quilt, equating the warmth of the quilt to the warmth of His love, appreciating the feeling of lying my head on His chest, and having Him hold me. Amidst this serenity, He reminded me of His sense of humor. I was busy thanking Him for the warmth of my quilt, the blessings of my patio, my life in Spain, my family, my gorgeous view, etc., when He interrupted me. Clearly, He said, "My beautiful daughter, you've put the em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LA-ble. You're too focused trying to be perfect for the world, when I already love you the way you are. As much as you love that feeling when little SohlGal rests her head against you, all the more I love when you rest against Me."

Yeah. YIKES! I kinda giggled, and I kinda tried to hide. But, honestly... where do I go that the Creator of the Universe can't see me? David very clearly tells me in Psalm 139, that He knows me, He made me, and going to the heights or the depths, He is with me. So, then... hiding is out.

"Be still, and know that I am God," He said to me (Psalm 46:10). "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans for good, and not for evil; plans to give you a future and a hope," He said (Jer. 29:11).

It's like this: if I can just get that closet cleaned... and that room organized... and that thing ordered... and those cards sent... and... I'll be ready then. I'll be done, and I can enjoy... and they'll love me... and they'll know that I'm a good Christian (obviously a misunderstanding of a song I learned when I was little... "And they'll know we are Christians by our love." Connecting those dots? I knew you would! :) )

Back to point... I'm putting the em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LA-ble. I'm missing out on what's happening now, trying to make it perfect for... never, really. Hebrews 12:2 tells me that I should follow the intiator and perfector of our faith, Jesus. The perfector! He's the one who makes it perfect... I never will.

So I'm running like a hamster on my wheel here, trying to put my little blessings in a straight line... so God will know that I am a Christian. WHAT?!?

He asks for my trust and faith in Him, not my specifically arranged baskets, dishes, and laundry. He asks for my committment to the sharing of His word, not alphabetized children's books and toys sorted by age, color, and size. He asks for my prayers, the desires of my heart, not my perfected, rehearsed dronings. He'd rather hear my em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LA-ble in those prayer, than see the em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LA-ble in my life.

"Read the books your children ask for, and take them the places they ask to go. Let them help you with the tasks I assign you. They long for you, the way you long for Me."

Big day He had planned for me. Big days, I guess.