I'm trying. I AM. I'm beautiful, and I'm smart, and I'm capable. I'm talented. I'm a treasure.
I'm trying. I AM. I'm telling myself to find reasons to be joyful. I'm striving to give my frustrations, my concerns, my worries to God.
You know, it's like that skirt that looked so cute in the store, so I bought it, even though it was more than I wanted to spend, and brought it home for my own fashion show, even though it didn't really go with anything I already had, only to realize that it looks completely hideous. So I take it back.
I'm trying. But I find all these ridiculous reasons to be frustrated with myself or with my loved ones, to be worried about this or that thing that probably won't matter in a week or a month. While I'm walking God's path, there's an alternate bread-crumb trail satan's laid that the carb-aholic in me can't resist (he knows where I'm weak). So even though I know it's not where I want to spend my time, and I know that it doesn't go with what God has already told me about myself, I follow this trial of hideous "treats," which encourage me into self-doubt, sadness, and isolation.
But I'm trying not to. I don't want to this to myself, and to Him. I don't want to have this pity party. I don't want to have to turn around and find my way back to God's beautiful, warm, sunlit path. I didn't want to leave in the first place. I need a dustpan. Where's my broom? Who has a leaf blower I can borrow? I've got a path to clear, and I'm using the tools God's placed around me to keep myself on track.
I'm trying. I am. I'm trying to listen to that voice God's placed inside me, the one that says that I'm beautiful, capable, and smart. I'm a good mom, a good friend, and a good wife. I am His daughter, striving to be who He created me to be. And when necessary, I have to whip out my gas-powered leaf blower He's provided for me to clear the many forms of temptations from my path.
I'm trying. I AM.
About Me
- Sohl Gal
- Andalucia, Spain
- A mom of three, learning to grow in faith and strength and confidence.
I'm also published here...
6 comments:
Hang in there Janel! You're more awesome than you know. You are beautiful, you are smart, incredibly creative, great mom, super friend, strong leader, and you've got a hip hair-do! Love everything about you!
Janel, you ARE beautiful, smart, talented, amazingly creative, & MORE than capable! Not to mention an incredible magnetic personality. (And I agree with DeeDee...that hip hairdo!)
I have to admit, however...I LOVED your blog entry for the sheer fact that I feel included! I so identified with your feelings of frustration, inadequacy, self-doubt, weakness, sadness, & isolation. I'm sure we all do, & yet we keep it to ourselves, wallow in the lies Satan whispers to us.
By speaking it (or doing an amazing job of writing it) out there, you empower the women around you into giving the enemy a smack with that leaf blower & blowing him to Kingdom Come! You remind us all that the Lord is FOR US & to listen to the whispers of the Holy Spirit instead.
Oh, & I'm trying too!
You need to add, "I'm a good writer" to that.
Confidence is the hardest thing to achieve. But I learned that plenty comes when you focus on other women's beauty, and you soon discover your own. You are a beautiful, talented and wonderful woman!
Janel, I met you at Barnes&Noble at the Potter night. I found your blog through Leslie's, my cousin. Oh girl - thank you for the devotional thoughts today. Can we ever relate to that as women? Will we EVER think we're good enough? Deep down we know God doesn't create junk, but yet we are left wondering daily; am I this? am I that? You were precious when I met you and now I see why - your heart just sings. I'm trying too -- alene
You are fabulous and a wonderful mother. Just look at those two gorgeous children you created. God knows and understands. And we all LOVE YOU to pieces!
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