If you read the previous post and this one consecutively, you'll be confused. But it makes sense in my head.
A couple of weeks ago, I attended a women's conference hosted by another fellowship church here in town. At some point I'll share more about other gifts I received from the night, but today I'm feeling called to share one specific story.
One of the fabulous female speakers, the name of which I'm sad to say I can't remember, talked about the difference between a strong woman and a woman of strength. I'm not sure I'd have ever counted myself in either category. But I know which I'm heading.
A strong woman is she whom society's created, who looks "just so," who speaks her mind to all who'll listen and shout her points to those who won't. She is one who is in control, on her way, achieving her dreams, getting her way of life.
But a woman of strength is the woman who spends her time in prayer, seeking His will for her. She is quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. She knows her dreams are inspired beyond her and she seeks His will for her days. She recognizes that life will have struggles, and she praises Him in both struggles and joys. She affirms that those mistakes she makes are her lessons, and as she continues on His path for her, He'll hold her hand and care for her. The woman of strength knows that His ways are hers, and that her joys are His.
When I started writing this entry, I didn't have much to go on. Hoping to find the speaker or her presentation online, I was unsuccessful. I did find this poem, and it helped me to further define who I'm striving to become. So, now that you know, are you a woman of strength?
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Humility...
For a long time, I think I've misunderstood the word humility. I think I was confused about humility and humiliation.
I've always thought that being a good friend, a good person, meant that you were a "'Yes' girl." Not just tolerant, understanding, "a good listener." It was more than that. Regardless of the situation, someone else's ideas were better, smarter, wiser. To be a good friend, a loyal friend, I should keep my purple ideas out of the pink conversation. Otherwise, I might inadvertently point out that she's wrong, that there are factors she hadn't considered, hadn't realized yet, and she'd be humiliated. And deep down, I now realize, too, if I kept my ideas to myself, I'd never have to say I was sorry for offending my friend. I'd never have to show humility; she couldn't humiliate me.
Thinking that humility was the same as humiliation, in the end I was the one humiliated . I helped myself into situations I really wanted no part in, allowed my self-concept to be contorted, rearranged, and for a long time, shattered. I let my standards down, didn't show my knowledge, my God-given talents and strengths.
But a friend recently showed me what a true, loyal friend really is. She helped me truly understand the difference between humility and humiliation. With a simple act that has not been a frequent occurrence for me, she demonstrated strength as a friend and woman, her character, and above all her humility. Thanks Alisa for clearing up so much for me.
I've always thought that being a good friend, a good person, meant that you were a "'Yes' girl." Not just tolerant, understanding, "a good listener." It was more than that. Regardless of the situation, someone else's ideas were better, smarter, wiser. To be a good friend, a loyal friend, I should keep my purple ideas out of the pink conversation. Otherwise, I might inadvertently point out that she's wrong, that there are factors she hadn't considered, hadn't realized yet, and she'd be humiliated. And deep down, I now realize, too, if I kept my ideas to myself, I'd never have to say I was sorry for offending my friend. I'd never have to show humility; she couldn't humiliate me.
Thinking that humility was the same as humiliation, in the end I was the one humiliated . I helped myself into situations I really wanted no part in, allowed my self-concept to be contorted, rearranged, and for a long time, shattered. I let my standards down, didn't show my knowledge, my God-given talents and strengths.
But a friend recently showed me what a true, loyal friend really is. She helped me truly understand the difference between humility and humiliation. With a simple act that has not been a frequent occurrence for me, she demonstrated strength as a friend and woman, her character, and above all her humility. Thanks Alisa for clearing up so much for me.
Friday, July 20, 2007
All for Arnold...
A couple of days ago, my funk-Sohl-brotha told my Sohl-mate about a drink he'd found by AriZona, called Arnold Palmer. It's mix of lemonade and tea, and is made with either green tea or iced tea. The iced form comes in a black can; the green, in a green can (I know, you can barely contain your amazement, right?).
It's important to note that my Sohl-mate takes his brother's recommendations to heart. So when my Sohl-bro said he really enjoyed this drink, my Sohl-mate was intent on finding this. A co-worker at his moon-lit job seconded the product's recommendation, and the hunt began. After working his 2nd job, he stopped by a few convenience stores to check for the beverage. He came home empty handed.
The next day I volunteered to check the SUPERmarket down the street, and was still unable to find the product. On the back of another tea product I did, however, find the number for the company. I excitedly called the number and was greeted warmly - by the voice recording telling me that since the company is privately owned, and small, they work from 9am to 4pm and would be happy to help during normal business hours.
Dejected, I left the store and decided I'd I try a gas station - no luck. Next I tried Walgreen's, which had at least seven different flavors of AriZona teas; none of which were the one I was looking for. I tried another convenience store, a CVS, and Family Dollar, but to no avail.
In this age of the immediate information, I was sure the Internet would give me the results I'd prayed for. Finding the ingredient list, though, wasn't what I'd had in mind. Frustrated, but hopeful I emailed the company last night, requesting information on the locations I could find this unicorn-esque drink. The product is distributed through wholesalers, I read, and this meant that I'd need to call the distributors directly. Armed with the phone number, I felt a renewed sense of hope: maybe I'd complete this task yet.
The man at the distributor's office took my name and number, telling me he couldn't find anyone to answer my question. About twenty minutes later, a supervisor called me, thinking I was a store looking to carry the product. He said that the best places to look for the drink are small Mom 'n Pop stores, but that he didn't have any names or locations to suggest.
And so my quest for Arnold continues.
But, if I can't find a Mom 'n Pop who carries it, I did track down an Internet retailer or two who will ship me some, just in case. ;)
It's important to note that my Sohl-mate takes his brother's recommendations to heart. So when my Sohl-bro said he really enjoyed this drink, my Sohl-mate was intent on finding this. A co-worker at his moon-lit job seconded the product's recommendation, and the hunt began. After working his 2nd job, he stopped by a few convenience stores to check for the beverage. He came home empty handed.
The next day I volunteered to check the SUPERmarket down the street, and was still unable to find the product. On the back of another tea product I did, however, find the number for the company. I excitedly called the number and was greeted warmly - by the voice recording telling me that since the company is privately owned, and small, they work from 9am to 4pm and would be happy to help during normal business hours.
Dejected, I left the store and decided I'd I try a gas station - no luck. Next I tried Walgreen's, which had at least seven different flavors of AriZona teas; none of which were the one I was looking for. I tried another convenience store, a CVS, and Family Dollar, but to no avail.
In this age of the immediate information, I was sure the Internet would give me the results I'd prayed for. Finding the ingredient list, though, wasn't what I'd had in mind. Frustrated, but hopeful I emailed the company last night, requesting information on the locations I could find this unicorn-esque drink. The product is distributed through wholesalers, I read, and this meant that I'd need to call the distributors directly. Armed with the phone number, I felt a renewed sense of hope: maybe I'd complete this task yet.
The man at the distributor's office took my name and number, telling me he couldn't find anyone to answer my question. About twenty minutes later, a supervisor called me, thinking I was a store looking to carry the product. He said that the best places to look for the drink are small Mom 'n Pop stores, but that he didn't have any names or locations to suggest.
And so my quest for Arnold continues.
But, if I can't find a Mom 'n Pop who carries it, I did track down an Internet retailer or two who will ship me some, just in case. ;)
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
My corner of Heaven...
My grandpa, Dean Henry Nerdig, passed away July 8th after living 6 months without his beloved bride of 62 years. I wanted to share a few sweet stories about dealing with his passing.
I called Granpda the Friday he decided to move from the hospital to Hospice. We started our conversation as usual, with him asking what was going on here, how the kids were, how David was, and lastly, how I was. Finally getting to ask him how he was, he simply said, "Well kid, this is it." I asked if he was ready, and he said he was. He asked if I was ready, and I sadly told him that I didn't think I'd ever really be ready for him to go, but that if it was what he wanted then, yes, I was ready. He quieted me, saying that I'd always been loyal, a good granddaughter. He said we'd been honest with each other and that we both knew how the other felt. And, while he was right, I could feel my heart screaming at my head, "TELL HIM AGAIN! Say it now. There's still time." That desperation of sharing my real emotions with him well up as strongly today, and from what I'm told, I expect they always will. I know that I could have told him I loved him until the end of my time, and it still wouldn't have been enough.
Later, after hanging up the phone with him, not knowing how many more times I'd have to tell him how much I love him, tears streaming down my face, my sweet Sohl son asked what was wrong. I said I was sad, and he asked why. "Grandpa Dean's going to heaven soon." "Don't be sad, Mom. He gets to be with Jesus. Mom, how will Grandpa Dean get there? Will he drive there?"
"No, you can't drive there, Sweetheart."
"Will he fly in an airplane?"
"No, you can't fly there in an airplane."
"Why Mom?"
"'Cause that's not how it works, Peanut."
"I know Mom! Grandpa Dean will open his arms and fly the whole way there."
A friend of mine would call this a God wink. Whatever it's called, it was the comfort I needed at just that moment. I pulled that sweet boy into my lap and cuddled him until his little 3 and 1/2-year-old self demanded I stop "stucking" him.
During the next week, Grandpa slowly faded away. I felt I was running out of time, but too out of ways to say goodbye to him. Though I talked with him each day, I felt I had to make the most of the two mintues I had of his time, and wasting them continually saying a tearful goodbye wasn't worth the emotional strain it caused both of us. I called a friend who lost her father a little over a year ago. She said that at the end of her father's time on earth, she started to tell him specifically why she loved him. Taking her advice the next time I called Grandpa, I told him that I admired his devotion to family, the strength of his marriage to Grandma, and wanted to have a life that reflected his.
Had I known, had I realized when Grandma died what a relief it would be to share with her my specific reasons for love, what I'd really miss... and then my mind stops in response to her sharp reprimand in my head. She says to me that I couldn't know then. She knew, and knows now, what I feel.
And now that I've seen them in a vision together, reunited, smiling with glorious happiness, my tears of sadness for my loss are mixed with tears of joy for their celebration in Heaven. Someday I'll join them. And if Heaven works the way I hope it does, there'll be the softest red shag carpet, wood paneling, fresh-picked strawberries, the scent of feed store, double lollies, and two comfortable blue chairs so they can visit in my little corner of Heaven.
I called Granpda the Friday he decided to move from the hospital to Hospice. We started our conversation as usual, with him asking what was going on here, how the kids were, how David was, and lastly, how I was. Finally getting to ask him how he was, he simply said, "Well kid, this is it." I asked if he was ready, and he said he was. He asked if I was ready, and I sadly told him that I didn't think I'd ever really be ready for him to go, but that if it was what he wanted then, yes, I was ready. He quieted me, saying that I'd always been loyal, a good granddaughter. He said we'd been honest with each other and that we both knew how the other felt. And, while he was right, I could feel my heart screaming at my head, "TELL HIM AGAIN! Say it now. There's still time." That desperation of sharing my real emotions with him well up as strongly today, and from what I'm told, I expect they always will. I know that I could have told him I loved him until the end of my time, and it still wouldn't have been enough.
Later, after hanging up the phone with him, not knowing how many more times I'd have to tell him how much I love him, tears streaming down my face, my sweet Sohl son asked what was wrong. I said I was sad, and he asked why. "Grandpa Dean's going to heaven soon." "Don't be sad, Mom. He gets to be with Jesus. Mom, how will Grandpa Dean get there? Will he drive there?"
"No, you can't drive there, Sweetheart."
"Will he fly in an airplane?"
"No, you can't fly there in an airplane."
"Why Mom?"
"'Cause that's not how it works, Peanut."
"I know Mom! Grandpa Dean will open his arms and fly the whole way there."
A friend of mine would call this a God wink. Whatever it's called, it was the comfort I needed at just that moment. I pulled that sweet boy into my lap and cuddled him until his little 3 and 1/2-year-old self demanded I stop "stucking" him.
During the next week, Grandpa slowly faded away. I felt I was running out of time, but too out of ways to say goodbye to him. Though I talked with him each day, I felt I had to make the most of the two mintues I had of his time, and wasting them continually saying a tearful goodbye wasn't worth the emotional strain it caused both of us. I called a friend who lost her father a little over a year ago. She said that at the end of her father's time on earth, she started to tell him specifically why she loved him. Taking her advice the next time I called Grandpa, I told him that I admired his devotion to family, the strength of his marriage to Grandma, and wanted to have a life that reflected his.
Had I known, had I realized when Grandma died what a relief it would be to share with her my specific reasons for love, what I'd really miss... and then my mind stops in response to her sharp reprimand in my head. She says to me that I couldn't know then. She knew, and knows now, what I feel.
And now that I've seen them in a vision together, reunited, smiling with glorious happiness, my tears of sadness for my loss are mixed with tears of joy for their celebration in Heaven. Someday I'll join them. And if Heaven works the way I hope it does, there'll be the softest red shag carpet, wood paneling, fresh-picked strawberries, the scent of feed store, double lollies, and two comfortable blue chairs so they can visit in my little corner of Heaven.
Ropes Course
I'm shamelessly plugging our upcoming JANES event. If you're not familiar with JANES, it's the Women's Ministry of Bay Area Fellowship. Since the church's website is undergoing some renovation by our talented multi-media staff, we're praying for our own link on the church page during the updates.
We're so excited about this course, and I plan to post lots of pictures once we get back! If you have questions or want to attend let me know!!
Ropes Course 2007
Date: Saturday, July 28th
Time: 9:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m.
Meeting Place: Bay Area Fellowship @ 8:30 a.m. or Hobby Lobby in Calallen @ 9:00 a.m.
Cost: $25
Food: Eat a good breakfast and bring a snack. Don't forget sunscreen and water.
Please join us, and if you're too far away to be there in person, pray for a safe and well attended event that will help kickoff our renewed JANES.
We're so excited about this course, and I plan to post lots of pictures once we get back! If you have questions or want to attend let me know!!
Ropes Course 2007
Date: Saturday, July 28th
Time: 9:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m.
Meeting Place: Bay Area Fellowship @ 8:30 a.m. or Hobby Lobby in Calallen @ 9:00 a.m.
Cost: $25
Food: Eat a good breakfast and bring a snack. Don't forget sunscreen and water.
Please join us, and if you're too far away to be there in person, pray for a safe and well attended event that will help kickoff our renewed JANES.
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